Herself
by Lienka
Summary: Lily Evans wants to be Headgirl, right ? But with James Potter ? No way. Or is there a way ? Will she be able to be on good terms with him with a little help from ...herself ?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: I know you've read it countless times but this is my first fanfic and english isn't my native language, please tell me anything you don't like so I can improve :) **

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I mean, I'm looking like a psycho for sure. Who sane would be pacing around the room ? It's nothing. It's nothing. Really. Fine, now I don't even believe myself. It's just a silly letter. Yes. Which decides whether my 6-year effort would be appreciated. See the sarcasm ? Ok, I'm exaggerating. It'll be alright if I am not Head girl.

I'm a wreck. Nervous wreck. I'm sick of myself. It should have been here ages ago ! I talked to last year's Head boy Dominic Roberts and he said he had got his letter this day year before. Do I make sense ? I think not. It's not really important. I've been just wishing it for about two years. I need a break.

"Lily !" a voice shouts from downstairs.

"Yeah ?" I ask. What does she want ?

"Come down. Dinner !" Oh, no.

"Mum, I'm not hungry." How many times do I have to tell her that ?

"Come down or I won't give you that Hogwarts' letter !" Wait. Did I hear right ? H…Hogwarts' letter ? Ha. Is it ? Or not ? I immediately go down.

"Where's it ?"

"After you eat your dinner, dear. I don't want you to become anorexic." Me and anorexic ? Who's exaggerating here ? I'm far from that. I am slim but not so much. And besides I 'm not strong enough to give up chocolate. Yummie. Milk Swiss Chocolate…the best Muggle chocolate ever. I'm a chocolate lover. I'd never refuse chocolate from anybody. Maybe except from Black or Potter. One may never know what can be inside (case 1) or what may be a condition to get it (case 2).

"Ok. And I'm not becoming anorexic !"

"Whatever." Is my Mum's only reply.

After dinner I ask about that letter.

"I'm sure I'll come soon."

"MUM !"

"Sorry but you wouldn't come here otherwise."

Great. My own mother lies me. And she wants me to be honest. Where's the justice ? I walk to my room, fuming. Here's it. Nothing changed. My bed, wardrobe, mirror, owl… OWL ? I don't have an owl… Really. An owl tapping on my window. With a sealed letter. Yes, yes, yes ! Now or never. I impatiently grab the letter. Could it be ? I probably sound like a madwoman but I'm normal normally…really great sentence.

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry Headmaster Albus Dumbledore 

**(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chr. Warlock,****Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)**

**Dear Ms Evans, **

**We are pleased to inform you that you have become a Headgirl with Mr James Potter as Headboy. You are expected to meet with Mr Potter at Heads compartment at 10:45 a.m on 1****st**** September where you will be given your responsibilities and competence.**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Minerva McGonagall**

**Deputy Headmistress**

I've got it ! I've got it ! Yippie ! Hur... Stop. With Mr James Potter as... Headboy ? Headboy ? Headboy should be the smartest rules abiding student, PREFECT. Not Potter. Not Marauder. Well, maybe with the exception of Remus. I thought you had to be a prefect to be a Headboy. I was obviously wrong. What has happened to the world ? This is just a dream. A very very bad dream. And...and don't Heads have bedrooms in Head Tower next to each other ? What if he sees me in undergarments ? Or worse, naked ? He's capable of anything. What have I got myself into ? Has Dumbledore gone mad ? I've always thought he's a little... odd, but not so much. OK, Lily. Breathe in, breathe out. It's gonna be good. Or at least better that it is now. But can it be worse than it is ?

Just understand me. I've known Potter for six years. Six ! And I've lived for that time ten months a year in the same tower, eaten at the same table and studied in the same classrooms. AND for most of the time he has been an egoistic prat. I don't mention that time he followed me wherever I moved (maybe a small hyperbole but quite true) just to ask me out ! All right, it was in fifth year, but one thing I've learned in Hogwarts is that Marauders will NEVER grow up. It may be quite interesting when seventy-year old seniors in old people's home are pulling pranks and are fascinated with food (especially Black). The only thing that changed is that they are, how to say it, _observant_ of girls (do you know how many times I have wished they had not changed in this matter ?) In first year they just took note of girls when they were pranking them. Now they're known as womanizers of Hogwarts. Only thinking about it makes me sick.

And maybe Potter has been...let's say more bearable ( less harmful pranks, less embarrassing situations concerning me and him) but it does not change anything.

He's been different.As if there was something deeper than it met the eye.

Fine, if I continue I'll be in danger to succumb to a Potter charm. Great. The last thing I want. I need to remember what he had done before. Right.

Try to think what will be when Potter is Headboy. Abusing his position. There's no doubt to it. And much more which I can't think of now because knowing that James Potter is Headboy drives me crazy. Which I am sure you are already aware of the fact. Oh My God, what am I gonna do ?

I've got a headache. I need to sleep. I'll think of it all tomorrow. I'll think of some way to solve it. After all, tomorrow is another day.

* * *

I groan as the sun shines into my face. Typical. I hate sun. It makes freckles on my face. And sunburn. And wakes me up.

"Nooo..." I turn around to another side and try to sleep again. However then somebody clears his throat. I am awake instantly. Oh no. Who's that ? My family knows I'm not a morning person and I am dangerous in the mornings. If it were a death eater I'd be probably dead by now, wouldn't I ? I hope it isn't Potter. But he knows that I am not a morning person too (he painfully remembers, heh). Sooo, who then ?

I cautiously turn my head towards the sound and scream. Loudly. Very loudly. I wonder why somebody isn't here by now. The incriminated person runs to me and presses her hands to my mouth to keep it shut. I'm so shocked that I don't fight.

"Don't scream ! Do you want mum to come here ?"

Or worse, Petunia.

"Or worse, Petunia ?" she said.

Wait. Did that...that person say what I thought ? And how she knows about Petunia ?

She risks and takes her hand from my mouth. I'm petrified. I should shout. I should run away. I should grab my wand and hex her. I should do many things but I can't.

"Well, are you gonna stare at me till the next century ?"

**Please review ! Even if you hate it ;-) Tell me ! I wanna know your opinions.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Only my copy of Deathly Hallows.**

**Author's note: Nupur has told me that I did some mistakes, so I fixed it. Thank you Nupur ! I owe you :D  
**

Wait. What's happening ? This must be a dream. A terrible dream. No way this is real the way I think it is. I must be mistaken. I must be blind. Or mental. Or ill. Am I drunk ?

"What ? Who... who are you ?" I manage to stutter.

"You should know. You know it. But you're scared to admit it."

"I'm not scared ...!!! I..." Again lost of words.

She laughed. "Of course not ! You wouldn't be in Gryffindor, hm ?"

I've got to sit down. That person who's sitting on my bed looks similarly to one person I know. Very similarly. Shockingly similarly. She has auburn hair a little shorter than me, fair complexion like me, only with less freckles. Probably also the same height as me. But her figure is more...feminine. You know, she has curves on right places. But one thing is exactly the same like mine. Almond-shaped eyes. Green like algae. Somebody in third year told me that. I hexed him. Of course nobody knows it except of my friends. I wouldn't be Headgirl ! But maybe yes, if Potter is, and he has more detention records than all Gryffindors all together. Maybe even plus Hufflepuffs. But it was prat.

"Then ...you're...me ?"

"Yep," she nods.

"But older..." I say, thinking.

"Yep. I knew I was smart."

"How old are you, ehm me, or...whatever ?" I ask. Who wouldn't be confused ?

"Nineteen. Exactly two years older."

"Wha ? What do you mean 'exactly' ?"

Older myself grins.

"Exactly. It is used to emphasise that something is correct in every way or detail. Synonyms are precisely, literally..." she says patiently like explaining to five years old.

"I KNOW what it means !" I cut her off. What does she think ? "I only..."

"Then why you were asking ?" she cuts me back. What the ...? Where are her manners ? I know it's little unusual to be angry at myself but I've learnt nothing is ordinary in _my_ life. Starting with being a witch, then having a sister who loathes you because she's just jealous, and having a stalker who knows even the size of my knickers. OK, maybe the last one is in past tense, Potter had a 'stalkerish' phase in fifth year, but whatever.

"Don't frown, I'll have more wrinkles."

I frown even more. I don't care whether it is appropriate for seventeen year old girl, soon to be a woman.

"And don't act like five year old brat."

"I don't care !" I reply not-so-much-intelligently but she's already stood up and grabs _my_ photo on _my_ desk with me, Mary, and Alice.

"Oooch ! I almost forgot. You know, I've lost this one," she sighs and puts it back.

I'm staring at her with eyes wide open. I still don't believe it. I'm watching her like Black when looking at food. Oh, alright not so great comparison. But I can't think of anything else. Don't ask why I think of Marauders even at situation like this. They follow me everywhere. Even in my dreams. No, not like that. Not now. Mostly about their pranks. Back to her. She may look similarly to me but I don't know, what if she's some sort of disguised Death Eater.

She suddenly turns to me and says : "I'm not a Death Eater." Can you please tell me what is this ? Who is she, a Legilimens ?

Before I can reply, she retorts: "And neither a Legilimens." What ?

"What ? So how did you ...?"

"Call it sixth sense, " she says with a slight smile.

I still look like I don't believe her because she continues: "I understand you, but you must believe me. You can ask anything if you want." She's looking at me straight in the eye, with a pleading look. Maybe she's sincere after all. But I must be careful. Especially muggleborns.

"Right. What's my patronus like ?"

"Doe."

"What did I discover in fifth year about Marauders ?"

"Remus is a werewolf."

"Yes, how did I discover it ?"

"You suspected him for months and you simply asked him. Poor boy."

"I had to ! And besides that was you too !"

"So you trust me ?"

"Not entirely."

"Maybe this'll do. You had a huge crush on Potter in forth year when you were sitting together in Transfiguration." she says like nothing.

I look at her, terrified. How in hell did she know that ? I'm speechless. Nobody knows that. I've never told anybody. I almost forgot. I _tried _to forget. This belongs to my worst memories ever. Right next to the memory how I fell down when I was _attempting_ to fly. Prat Potter laughed like no tomorrow.

"He didn't show any signs of insensibility, He always said 'sorry', he wasn't such a prat ..."

"like when he was among his friends. But then it ended and began to being a show off and hexing innocent students on the corridors." I finish her.

She smiles. "Yes, he always ruffled his hair only to impress me." she remembers with starry look. I don't like this look. I wear that look when I remember of my first kiss or holidays. Simply, _pleasant_ things. Does an older me remember of these dark times when Potter doesn't give me a rest with _pleasure_ ?

Before I can ask anything I hear my mum as she wants to open the door to my room.

"Lily ? Is everything alright ?" she asks in muffled voice.

"Ehm, yes mum ! " I shout as I quickly shove Older Lily into the wardrobe and silently praying I really sound alright.  
She opens the door right after I close the wardrobe. Thank God.

"Lily, you should get up right now ! Has your letter arrived yet ?"  
The letter. Now it is the last thing on my mind.

"Yes. I'm Headgirl !" I tell her not so happily as much as I try. I'm not so great actor. Especially in front of my mum.

"That's great ! We'll have to celebrate it ! Ehm, are you feeling OK ?" she asks suspiciously.

"Yes ! I... I mean, why wouldn't I ?" I stutter. That was brilliant. Now she'll enquire even more.

"Really ?" she enquires as I predicted. And also goes to the wardrobe. I must act. Now.

"What are you doing ?" I ask casually.

"I'm putting your clean clothes into..."

"I'll do it !" I cut and grabs the clothes. "Now you can go, mum. I have to change."

"You sure ?" she asks as she goes out of my room.

"Of course !" I say and shut the door. Then I come to the wardrobe and open it.

"That was close."

"No, it wasn't. I am a witch, you know," she replies and shows me her wand.

"Whatever."

**A/N: So that was second chapter. Hope you like it. If yes, tell me. If not, tell me. Please. :D**


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